Wealth Comes With Rejection-Embrace It
Issue #35 November 26th, 2019
I hate to lose but I love to compete. That said, I took a loss today. Yeah, I get rejected all the time and have for 20 years. I am nobody special. I am not immune to let down. I am not immune to self-doubt. I am not immune to disappointment, and I am not ok having my best efforts or honorable intentions misunderstood. But I am a winner and I love the game.
There you have it. Whether you knew me or not, now you know my vulnerabilities and where I stand. They are also my strengths so I share them with the hope that you can courageously and humbly face your own, and not let the latest business licking, personal life sideswipe, stop-loss in your portfolio, or professional rejection keep you from wanting to kick your adversity in the a$$ the next chance you get.
This just in. I didn’t make the cut. :/ ? F%@k!
I write this to you less than 120 minutes from receiving a notice of rejection from a prestigious global impact fellowship I applied for and REALLY wanted this year.
I am still raw from the letdown. I am yet to receive the detailed ‘feedback’ as to why despite my vision for what I could bring to it, and a 20-year track record of executing with and against the wind, I did not make the cut. The feedback won’t change the result. It won’t make me feel better. It may illuminate something (at least I hope), that could lead to discovering a blind spot, but if history is any predictor it will likely leave me with more unanswered questions than clarity, so I (like you) have to decide what I will do with this experience.
If I have learned and mastered one thing in 20 years of experience in the “real world” it is eating rejection. Hell, some years I have felt like it was the only meal on the menu, and I tasted it for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and even a midnight snack.
Most people will never achieve true wealth in a financial and emotional sense sadly because they can’t accept rejection is a big part of the game. Far more so than acceptance. At least that has been my experience.
It is important to understand then how and where our ability to deal with rejection positively or negatively lies. According to Dr. Christina Hibbert:
Self-esteem is what we think and feel and believe about ourselves. Self-worth is recognizing “I am greater than all of those things”. It is a deep knowing that I am of value, that I am loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth.
It is possible to feel “high self-esteem,” or in other words, to think I’m good at something, yet still not feel convinced that I am loveable and worthy. Self-esteem doesn’t last or “work” without self-worth. That’s why I believe the pursuit of self-esteem is a myth.
Self-worth is where it’s at. All the money and all the “acceptance” in the world, won’t help you when rejection inevitably comes if you are living for self-esteem in the absence of a deep sense of your inherent “worth”.
So on this Tuesday before Thanksgiving, I am not “thankful” for the latest rejection. I’ll add it to a stack of countless other letdowns, losses, or miscalculations, I felt I deserved.
However, I am “thankful” for the fact that I know my value and that I know I can be disappointed in myself for not finding a more coherent or effective way to communicate and transmit to those holding the keys to the outcome I desired without losing ground on my ambition.
I hope for you that you face your rejections more boldly and that you feel less alone when you think others have succeeded or appear to have it all going for them in ways that you don’t. WE ALL GET REJECTED. It won’t stop me from getting where I am destined to go, and it won’t stop you!
I write this to you from the beautiful beach of Emerald Isle, North Carolina today as I prepare to spend Thanksgiving with 40 family members from around the country. I can see the ocean and the horizon. I don’t know why (metaphorically) the boat out there sailed away without me over the horizon this time, but I do know that what I can’t see on the other side of the horizon will soon come into view and I will pounce on it boldly as long as I have air in my lungs and blood running through my veins!
~Chris
